On the question of abortion
Whenever I bring up the topic of abortion, a lot of people often try to argue ethics with me. Is it ethical or morally just to murder a child? My answer is no. But a foetus is no child; it is a seed—a seed that could grow into a tree, yes, but still a seed. When you suck on an orange, you don't spit out the seed and tell me you've just spat out a tree. The seed remains what it is: a seed.
If you watch Nollywood films, you've certainly come across the trope of the woman who didn't want a baby but gets pregnant and decides to keep it, or the woman who initially wanted an abortion but changed her mind at the very last minute because she was "overcome" with guilt or love (or maybe a combination of both). These tropes can be quite harmful because not every woman wants a child, and by making films that utilize them, the industry reinforces the idea that a woman needs a child to be fulfilled—especially in the eyes of impressionable young girls.
Children are a handful. I say this as someone who absolutely adores them. However, I love knowing that I'll be able to get a full night's sleep because some kid isn't going to wake up crying, asking to be fed. I like that I can hand a child back to his mother to change his diaper and then take him back. I like that life; it's easy.
Before someone comes here and starts saying that I'm a Jezebel, I'd like to add this: it is my uterus, and I reserve the right to do whatever I please with it. So, if you're pressed, na you sabi.
When people argue against abortion, they often say things like, "What about the child? What if they grow up to find the cure for cancer?" My answer will always be, "What about the mother? What if she grows up to find the cure for cancer?" These questions are the wrong ones to ask because they are dehumanizing—they reduce a woman to an incubator. The child is not fully formed yet, but can you honestly say that you care more for a watery mixture of sperm than for the human being in front of you? Why do her dreams and aspirations matter less because she's pregnant?
A pregnancy can make or break a woman's life. And I can say this with my full chest: if I get pregnant—a pregnancy I didn't plan for—I will abort it. Please, don't talk to me about "What if I never have another child?" Life is not Nollywood, abeg. If I want children later, I can always adopt. I never understood the obsession with having biological children anyway.
I've known people who had to get married because they got pregnant. I'm not sure they even wanted to marry those men, but they were pregnant, and their parents wanted them out of the house.
I'll never understand this—to be honest, this ruthless abandonment of your child because she's pregnant. I find it strange and cruel. Sending that poor girl out to the wolves because you don't want to feed an extra mouth is absolutely terrible parenting. It's okay to be angry with them, it's okay to be disappointed even, but to send them out shatters the hallmarks on which parenting was built—the concept of unconditional love. If you do not love your child unconditionally, what gives you the impression that other people will care for them the way you've failed to?
"Abortion is a selfish process," people have said to me. Maybe, but it is also selfless. It is knowing that you are incapable of caring for a child, that you do not want a child or have the means to care for one, and choosing not to bring them into the world. A lot of people don't like children. A lot of people can't afford childcare, yet they are the ones having a lot of children. "God will provide." Yeah, right. God will provide, but you still need to buy diapers. The care of a child is not something to be left to chance.
Abortion is an understanding of that—of the fact that a child is a person in their own right, a person who deserves care and love. And if you are not in the position to offer that care or love, you should not be having children. It is not okay to have children and then rob them of their childhood or innocence. It is a much more merciful thing to not have them at all.
If you still missed it, after reading this epistle, let me be frank: I support abortion. I support a woman's right to choose whether to bring a child into this world or not. I support abortion because, whether you want to admit it or not, it is healthcare.
Finally, I think as women, we should try to refrain from judging other women whose choices we don't agree with. There's a quote from Jennifer Nansubuga Makumbi’s A Girl is a Body of Water. It reads:
“What I meant, child, is that we are our circumstances. And until we have experienced all the circumstances the world can throw at us, seen all the versions we can be, we cannot claim to know ourselves. How, then, do we start to know someone else?”
You see ehn that story of what if you were destined for only one child and you abort it, what will happen? Like what kind of reasoning even is that. It's just a trap. Let there be access to safe abortions. You see that destiny, e go change.
This is a splendid write-up, can't lie👏🏻
But here's my take (which I'm sure you are open to hearing, seeing as you've shared this to the world):
1.) The whole talk about ‘what if you are destined to have only one child', is REAL! I cannot stress it enough for women because I (personally) know 3 women who had only one abortion at a young age (in university); the abortions didn't destroy their uterus, the doctors say they are fine, but they are, somehow not able to bear a child again (now in their settled marriages).
---now, I know not everyone likes or fancies the idea of a Biological child, understood. But, asides you, there are manyyy women that do; and abortion could possibly take away such opportunity from them in the near future.
2.) ‘what if the woman isn't ready for a child' Fine, then why get pregnant?
Now, before anyone comes to slice me in half, I KNOW that this happens to some women unplanned but many women use abortion as a sword, instead of a shield. A sword to cut themselves, and not a shield to actually protect themselves from real harm, (as in, cases where the child medically threatens the life of the mother). How?
I think we all know that involvement in sexual intercourse leads to pregnancy (a high percent of the time), so why do it???
Or (for those who cannot/struggle with abstinence), why not take preventive measures?
---now, I'm not a religious fanatic, but I firmly believe that everything that happens to you, happens for a reason (and, according to what I belief, for a reason which will ultimately lead to a good end). If you take all the preventive measures and the child still comes, then DO KEEP IT.
3.) ‘A foetus is not a child yet, a mother's life is more important than an unborn foetus'
I DISAGREE!
~One of the first things to develop in a child (as I want to believe you know) is the nervous system (i.e; structural organs) and the heart. This means that a baby is a person already, because they have a soul then and there, and they have their DNA which makes them a person.
Now, all they require from you (as a mother) is support, and I DO NOT advocate for a woman to be treated as a cattle to be reared for milk and offsprings, but as a pregnant mother, you are a human incubator for that foetus.
(the word ‘human incubator’ isn't meant to diminish your standing as a person, it is meant to explain to you in the rawrest form possible why a foetus is a child, and not yours to take)
~The foetus needs you to survive, but that doesn't mean the foetus isn't a person (because if having limbs, eyes or the ability to converse is what makes a person a person, then you might as well advocate for the murder of disabled people too)
~The foetus possesses his/her own DNA, they are different from you, and all you do is support them. If you advocate for abortion with the understanding of this, then I wonder if we should all be allowed to kill a child of 2 weeks old because in actuality, they are not so different from the foetus (they rely on you for everything!)
4.) ‘if the mother has no means to care for the child, why should she bring such a child to the world'; Give the child up for adoption.
~Now, I have always said this and I will always say this, we NEED WORKING welfare systems in this country (Nigeria), a system to support children who have no parents or whose parents have given them up.
I am aware that children put in orphanages are not living the best life, and welfare systems are not exactly going to be flowers and sunshine;
but it is better to give a child the chance to make something of themselves than to end that chance because you carry them inside you.
AND YES, what if they make the cure for cancer in the future? what if your discomfort is the little price to pay to bring into this world, a child that will liberate many from death, hunger and pain?
Then, is your decision not selfish?
I earnestly have more to say, but I will end here.
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Now, I say all this as someone who narrowly missed existing in this world, because a woman decided to take out her pregnancy. If God had made her numerous efforts a success; I wouldn't be alive, I wouldn't have found a passion for law and gender equality, I wouldn't have met people and made beautiful, positive impacts in their lives.
And, in case you didn't notice, I refrained from inputting so much biblical references and reasons in my write-up, because, having had this argument with a lot of people, I realize that not all care about what My Bible has to say on abortion.
but if you are a Christian (as am I) and you support abortion, I just want to urge that you read the Bible with an open mind, and remember that the foundation of your salvation is Faith in God (even in the craziest and worst times)
ABORTION IS NOT THE SOLUTION, lets us fight for what is right!
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This is MY STANCE, and I haven't read a single article, or heard a single argument that has been able to convince me otherwise.